Yesterday, Tim asked me if I wanted to see Roy Orbison in concert. “He’s dead,” I said. “They’re bringing him back on tour as a hologram. Isn’t that great?” Tim replied. A hologram? I had to pause for a moment to let that sink in. If you’re unfamiliar with what a hologram is, the technical definition is it’s “a three-dimensional image formed by the interference of light beams from a laser or other coherent light source.” Now, if you’re scientifically challenged, like me, then most of your scientific knowledge comes from Star Trek and Star Wars. Then you already know that Princess Leia appeared as a hologram to warn Obi Wan about an impending threat from The Empire. In my opinion, holograms should be reserved for intergalactic communications only and not to hear Roy Orbison sing Pretty Woman 30 years after his death. 

And Roy Orbison is not alone. In 2017 the slain rapper, Tupac Shakur appeared at the Coachella music festival. He did a duet with Snoop Dogg. So, apparently a measure of talent is not an indication of who gets resurrected and who doesn’t. I’ve seen the Tupac/Snoop video and it’s damn creepy! Tupac’s ghostly form rises out of the stage. He’s wearing his trademark bandana and baggy jeans. If you look closely you can even see his plethora of tattoos. However, the lack of bullet holes in his hologram assured me that his performance was filmed before his death.

 Tupac and Roy Orbison aren’t the only holograms slated for concert tours. Get ready for Amy Winehouse and Ronnie James Dio. Although, I heard Dio’s wife was unhappy with his hologram as he didn’t look “alive enough.” So, Dio has been put back into the hologram machine for some lifelike retooling. Hopefully, they’ll add a few inches to him. I’ve met Ronnie James Dio and he was definitely the shortest rocker I’d ever seen. 

At least when I saw Dio in concert, he was alive. I want to know who is paying money to go to a dead person’s concert to see a hologram? I imagine it’s an inexpensive tour, though.  No road manager. No roadies. No interviews to arrange. And, if they’re having a pre-show meet and greet, I don’t want to know about it. Of course, for Amy Winehouse, the venues must be happy they don’t have to stock cases of liquor for her backstage. 

How do we know we haven’t already been fooled by holograms? I have a theory that the Stones died years ago and their holograms have been raking in stadium money since the 80s. That makes the most sense. Mick Jagger is nearly 100 years old and still weighs about 36 pounds. How is that possible you ask? I’m thinking hologram. Same goes for Keith Richards. Although in Keith’s case, they could have done a better job making him look more alive and less cadaver-like. They should speak to Mrs. Dio.

Needless to say, I will not be attending the upcoming Roy Orbison concert. Nor will I be advocating for future scientific research on holograms. Where will it end? I firmly believe that once someone is dead they should stay that way. I don’t want Maya Angelou showing up to read her crappy poetry. I don’t want a hologram of Ed McMahon at my front door giving me a check from the Publisher’s Clearing House. And I especially don’t want a hologram of my father showing up one day, yelling at me to get my shoes out of the hallway! 

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