I just cancelled my subscription to People Magazine. I’ve had the subscription so long that I can actually remember when they used to feature real celebrities. Lately, I’ve had to resort to Google to try and figure out who’s on the cover. Not surprisingly, I find that even when I delve into the heart of the magazine, I’m still at a loss. I’ve now decided that unless I have a burning desire to find out the latest news about Lil Yachty, I don’t think I’ll miss much.

***

Celebrity magazines have been a staple in my life ever since I was a child. My mother devoured Photoplay, Modern Screen and Screen Stories whenever they showed up in the mail. She loved movie stars and once confessed to me that when she was a girl she wanted to run away to California and marry Mickey Rooney. Since Mickey Rooney ended up with eight marriages, she definitely had a chance. It was not unusual to find her cooking dinner with a magazine spread open on the counter in front of her. She also took great pleasure in sharing her newly gleaned Hollywood gossip with me. I was treated to the sordid affairs of Desi Arnaz, Jr. and Patty Duke, Elizabeth Taylor and whoever she was married to at the time. When Frank Sinatra married Mia Farrow, well, my mother couldn’t say enough nasty things about an old man and a 19 year old starlet. Of course, no matter what salacious gossip was said about Dean Martin, she always forgave him. On the other hand, the magazines my father got in the mail arrived in plain brown wrappers.

I loved thumbing through the pages of my mom’s well-worn magazines to see the stars sitting poolside in the backyards of their beautiful mansions. It was a lifestyle far removed from the three-bedroom ranch houses in our middle-class suburban neighborhood. Hungry for news about the television and music stars of my generationI

i had my own subscriptions to 16 Magazine, Tiger Beat, and a frightening true crime magazine that kept me up at night.  My teen magazines were filled with important information that my friends and I would pore over for hours. David Cassidy’s favorite color, Davy Jones’ dating secrets, behind the scenes with The Brady Bunch. We never cared what the Osmond Brothers were up to because we didn’t give a flying fig about those do-gooders. Now, The Jackson Five was another story. The purple felt hats, the wide bell bottoms, and their huge afros. We loved them! Most of my friends went crazy over cute little Michael Jackson. Not me. I always felt that Tito was the deep one.

My mother also looked through my magazines. She had a thing for The Beatles and she always thought Mick Jagger was cute. Sharing celebrity gossip was our bonding time. I’m sure some of the things I learned were really not age-appropriate for my tender ears. But, when my mom explained to me about Patty Duke having a baby without being married, it gave me something to think about. It also terrified me that, if I liked a boy too much, I too could end up with a baby and have to leave school in the fourth grade. Obviously, my mother should have told me more about the birds and the bees and less about Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher. Besides magazines, her extensive knowledge of Hollywood gossip also carried over into old movies.

Every Sunday we would watch old movies together. My parents had a little color television set in their bedroom and my mom and I would plop down on the bed in the afternoon to watch films. If the movies were in color my mother would turn off the color on the set so it was in black and white. “Why can’t we watch this in color?” “Because I get too distracted by the colors of the clothes and I miss what’s happening.” If she were alive today I can’t imagine what an 80 inch, LCD flat screen would do to her. Whenever someone appeared on screen that she didn’t like or she knew something really juicy about she would make a “tsk” sound. “What? What’s wrong?” I would ask. “Well, that’s Loretta Young. She disappeared for a while and then came back with an adopted daughter.” “What’s wrong with that?” “The little girl ended up looking a lot like Clark Gable. Tsk.” I had absolutely no idea what this meant, but somewhere in my head I had filed away that Loretta Young deserved to be “tsk’d” whenever I saw her.

***

I’m sure much of the same troubles and pitfalls that the old stars experienced are being repeated today. The big difference is that there are no more secrets and anyone can be famous. People Magazine is filled with stories about people who make YouTube videos, “Everyday Heroes” like the elementary school teacher who buys her own supplies, and internet cats. These stories are hardly worth reading let alone discussing with friends. And then there are The Real Housewives Of (insert city of your choice here). First of all, these women are not even remotely famous and they are the furthest thing from being real housewives! My mother was a real housewife. All of the women in my neighborhood were real housewives. They didn’t spend their days going to the spa, drinking mimosas at expensive, trendy restaurants or scheming to take each other down. They cleaned house, cooked dinner, raised kids, sat on the front porch drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and complaining about their husbands. And the only backstabbing that went on was if someone forgot to pay back the 35 cents she owed you for a can of creamed corn.

I guess with the internet and everyone’s business being broadcast 24/7, not many people even read magazines anymore. The days of hiding one’s scandals are over and, in fact, the people involved will be the first ones to post photos and comments. There’s hardly anything to “tsk” at anymore. However, there was something special about going to the mailbox and seeing that shiny magazine rolled up and waiting to be opened. I have a box of 16 and Tiger Beat magazines stored in my basement. Sometimes, I pull them out and smile at the innocence of that fluffy news. By the way, David Cassidy’s favorite color was blue, Marcia and Greg Brady went out on dates, and I was right about Tito. He was deep.

In case you were wondering, this is Lil Yachty. Feel free to read more about him on your own time.

 

###